


What We've Lost

by tiaylasglass



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Good Boyfriend Magnus Bane, M/M, Max Lightwood Dies, Minor Character Death, Sad Alec Lightwood, magnus' flat is alec's home, they love each other a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-20
Updated: 2017-08-20
Packaged: 2018-12-17 16:08:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11855076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tiaylasglass/pseuds/tiaylasglass
Summary: "If you fail to grant time for the things you care about, you’ll forget why you’re even fighting at all."~After the Institute is attacked, Magnus realises that putting aside his love for Alec wasn't what was best for the two of them.





	What We've Lost

The war happened. It started without any warning, not even the alarms that were supposed to go off when the forsaken broke through windows and smashed down doors. Alec, who was sitting in the quiet of his office, didn’t even notice the chaos occurring just rooms away until he felt the ground vibrating and heard the loud screams echoing against the walls. Immediately, he rose from his seat and pulled out the blade hidden under his desk. He ran from the office, making sure to lock the door with his stele (there were important documents in there that would only incite further danger if they were stolen).  
  
He didn’t make it far down the corridor before a forsaken jumped out at him, surprising him around a corner and slamming him against the wall. Alec winced as he banged his head and quickly swung his blade, forcing the forsaken to release him before stabbing it through the chest. He could feel its blood on his hand but ignored it in favour for continuing to the main room in the direction of the screams.  
  
As he got closer more forsaken attacked him. He winced when he felt one of them slice his arm deeply with a blade and barely managed to kill it before it inflicted more damage. He lost count of how many forsaken he’d fought by the time he reached the centre of the battle, covered in blood and bruises already.  
  
The sight in front of him almost made him gag. Dead bodies, Shadowhunter and forsaken alike, were scattered around the room in puddles of blood. Alec could only see a small handful of Shadowhunters still fighting, some of which were standing in front of the wounded in attempt to protect them from the forsaken. The forsaken outnumbered them but Alec was confident that what remained of his people would be able to beat them.  
  
He was grateful that he could see Jace and Izzy and Clary all fighting together, protecting each other’s backs as they swung their blades with determination. He stepped forward to make his way towards them but stopped when he saw a familiar face staring his way in fear as a large forsaken closed in on him.  
  
“Max!” Alec shouted, sprinting over to him as quickly as he could. Max’s blade wasn’t in his hands and the boy had no weapon to fight with. Alec just had to reach him before the forsaken did. Max’s fearful eyes met Alec’s, tears welling up as the forsaken picked Max up by his throat.  
  
“Alec!” he screamed, his body writhing and his hands aggressively scratching at the creature’s hands, trying to get them off him. Everything seemed to happen in slow motion. A tear fell from Max’s eyes as he screamed Alec’s name again. The forsaken pulled one hand away before thrusting it forward into Max’s chest. A pained ‘No!’ escaped Alec’s lips just as he reached them, his blade going straight through the forsaken. As it fell Alec rushed forward to catch Max before he hit the ground.  
  
“Max? Max! It’s okay, it’s me, Alec.” There was a large hole in Max’s chest. Alec froze, the memory of Jocelyn’s death assaulting his mind briefly before his focus returned to his baby brother.  
  
“A-Alec,” Max coughed, blood splattering out from his lips. His breathing was shallow and his eyes frantically flicked from side to side before meeting Alec’s. The tears were now flowing from his eyes.  
  
“Sh,” Alec gently caressed his cheek, feeling a warm tear fall from his own eyes. His voice shook as he told Max it was going to be okay. He knew it wasn’t going to be okay. He knew that Max had seconds before his lungs were too filled with blood to allow any oxygen to enter. “It’s going to be okay, Max. I promise.” Max’s eyes were half-closed and he didn’t seem to notice the crack in Alec’s voice.  
  
The battle behind him faded in the background. All Alec could think about was his little brother, lying in his arms and struggling to breath with a hole in his chest. Alec noticed Max’s hand twitching and grabbed it in his own, choking back a sob as he felt Max’s hand close lightly around his. He squeezed tighter. When Max couldn’t breathe at all, he felt the way his body tensed weakly and rocked his brother slightly, reminding him that he was right there. “It’s going to be okay, Max,” he repeated, pressing a soft kiss to Max’s forehead. His tears dripped onto Max’s face, mixing in with the blood and Max’s own tears.  
  
“Max?” Alec’s breath caught as Max’s body gave out in his arms, his head falling back slightly and his eyes, still half-closed, staring blankly right back at him. “No,” he shook his head. “No, no, no!” He couldn’t stop the tears falling. His arms tightened around Max’s body and his head lowered over him. His body shook from sobs as he cried for the loss of his brother; his young, innocent brother who had only just escaped death weeks ago.  
  
~  
  
“The Institute’s been attacked,” Luke announced as he walked into Magnus’ loft, Raphael following closely behind him. Magnus straightened up in his seat and placed his glass onto the coffee table. He was unable to hide the fear that suddenly consumed him. “Clary called me.”  
  
“What happened? Is everyone okay? Is…” He couldn’t even say the words. If he said the words, asked the question, then there was a chance that Luke would confirm the death of the man he loves.  
  
“A lot of people died,” Luke said. Magnus’ breath caught as he met Luke’s eyes. “Alec’s alive,” he assured Magnus. “But he needs you, Magnus.”  
  
“Luke…”  
  
“This isn’t about us versus them,” Luke said. He stepped forward, kneeling beside Magnus and placing a hand on his shoulder. “He needs you right now to get through this. It doesn’t mean you have to brush away the secrecy and the lies. You don’t have to forgive him. But he loves you and you love him, and he needs you now more than ever.”  
  
“Clary said it was really bad,” Raphael added with a frown. “We’re going to see how we can help whether you’re with us or not.”  
  
“Since when did you turn into their biggest fan?” Magnus snorted half-heartedly.  
  
“Are you coming?” Luke interrupted. Magnus hesitated for a second before nodding. Luke was right. He did love Alec and if the attack was as bad as Luke and Raphael were making it out to be then, at the very least, he could help heal some of the wounded. Magnus created a portal for them and they all walked through, Luke first, then Raphael and then Magnus.  
  
The first thing Magnus noticed was the smell of blood. Blood was splashed over the walls and all over the floor in puddles. There were bodies everywhere. Even Raphael and Luke hissed at the sight. Then, the worst of it was right in front of them. He could see Izzy and Jace, arms wrapped tightly around each other as Izzy sobbed into Jace’s chest. Clary was standing beside them, one hand wrapped around herself and the other wiping at her tears. And in front of them was Alec.  
  
Alec, whose quiet but audible sobs were heard from where Magnus was standing, was clutching tightly at a small body in his arms. It wasn’t just a body, though, it was his little brother's. “No…” Magnus gasped, feeling his eyes well up as he took in the sight. Max was dead.  
  
“Magnus?” Clary noticed them first. Magnus wrapped his arms around her tightly for a few seconds before stepping back, letting her go to Luke. This was likely the most fatal battle she had been in. It was probably the same for all of the Shadowhunters in that room.  
  
“There’s so many,” Clary cried, her eyes moving around the room and taking in the high numbers of the dead. Luke just tightened his arms around her.  
  
Magnus felt his heart break at the sight of Alec’s pain. He quietly stepped closer, blinking away tears as he knelt in front of him. When he was close enough he could see that most of the blood on Alec was from Max, particularly the large wound on his chest. “Alexander,” Magnus whispered softly. It was quiet but Alec’s eyes met his. “Let him go,” Magnus said gently.  
  
“No,” Alec shook his head. “I can’t. No.”  
  
“Come here, then,” Magnus opened his arms, wrapping them around both Alec and Max when Alec didn’t flinch away. Magnus put a hand at the back of Alec’s head, pulling it towards him so that Alec could cry into his shoulder. He didn’t feel hurt when Alec didn’t hug him back. Alec didn’t want to let Max go, he understood that. “I’m so sorry,” Magnus whispered as Alec’s tears dripped against his neck.  
  
He didn’t know how long he held Alec for. It could’ve been minutes or hours for all he knew. Eventually, though, he realised that they couldn’t sit there and grieve forever. He gently pulled away from Alec. “We need to move,” Magnus said quietly. Alec couldn’t find it in himself to agree or disagree, simply allowing Magnus to help him stand with Max’s body in his arms.  
  
Once they were standing, Magnus wrapped an arm around Alec and looked to the others. Jace and Izzy were watching with tearstained expressions, their eyes on their baby brother’s body as Alec slowly walked past them. Luke and Raphael followed as they all left the room.  
  
“What do you need us to do?” Magnus asked Alec once Max had been placed onto his bed. He felt his heart break all over when Alec gingerly tucked Max into the blankets, his hands faltering slightly as he pulled the sheets over his chest. “Alexander?”  
  
“I…” his eyes didn’t leave Max’s. “I… we need to… we…” Alec blinked few times before stepping away from the bed. Magnus could do nothing but watch as he attempted to fulfil his role as the Head of the Institute while suffering the pain of his loss. “The dead,” he said. “We need to move them into one room.”  
  
“Okay. Let’s go and do that. What about the Clave?” he asked. Alec’s eyes flicked to Max before looking at the floor.  
  
“I’ll send a fire message,” Alec decided. Magnus waited, letting Alec write a fire message before reaching out his hand. Alec immediately intertwined his fingers with Magnus’, holding a little tighter than usual as they walked out of the room. Magnus saw Alec turn his head as they walked through the doorway, glancing at his little brother before walking away.  
  
There was a million things Magnus wanted to say. He could promise everything would be okay, or assure Alec that there had been nothing could’ve done. Hell, the thought of resorting to the black magic he swore never to touch to bring Max back crossed his mind briefly. In the end, he settled for squeezing Alec’s hand just as tightly, reminding him that he was there.  
  
Again, the sight of the main room caused Magnus to stutter in his footsteps. He’d seen this many times before but it never got easier. He stayed close to Alec, bowing his head respectfully as Alec whispered words before closing the eyes of the dead and carrying them out of the room. Magnus felt his heart tug at the softness of which Alec picked up and moved the bodies. Even though they were no longer alive, Alec still made sure to be as respectful as possible.  
  
“Magnus,” Jace stopped him. “Look after him. Alec’s… Please just don’t leave him right now.”  
  
“I won’t,” Magnus promised, his eyes falling on Alec’s pale and bruising face. Jace nodded and walked away to help Alec move the dead. It took hours until everything was as cleaned up as it was going to get. Families were contacted and the Clave had sent a group of Shadowhunters to fill in for patrol that night, giving Alec and the rest of them to take a break for the night before having to face the repercussions of the attack.  
  
Magnus pulled an exhausted Alec through a portal to his – _their_ – home at an hour so early that the birds were already beginning to chirp. Alec stumbled as they entered the flat. Magnus wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled him to the bathroom, hating that he couldn’t just let Alec fall asleep right then and there. Unfortunately, both of them were covered in blood and he knew that Alec would hate waking up covered in blood, especially his brother’s blood.  
  
“Just a quick shower, alright?” Magnus put the shower on warm, carefully helping Alec undress as it warmed up. He quickly took his own clothes off and pulled Alec into the shower, frowning when he realised Alec was shaking. “Alec?” Alec blinked a few times before looking at Magnus. “Talk to me, love.”  
  
“He’s gone, Magnus.” Magnus didn’t know whether it was the words, or the look in Alec’s eyes, or the way his voice broke as he said his name that brought fresh tears to his eyes. Alec opened his mouth as if he was about to say something else but then closed it, his lip shaking as he let the tears fall freely.  
  
“Come here, Alexander.” He wrapped his arms around Alec tightly, closing his eyes so that he couldn’t see the water thickened with blood running down the drain. Eventually, the water was no longer tinted with red and Magnus had washed both of them so that they didn’t smell like blood and death – something only one who had been surrounded by both could recognise the smell of.  
  
It only took a few minutes to get dressed into something warm. It wasn’t cold, not really. But he could feel Alec shivering relentlessly and knew that it had nothing to do with the weather. No words were exchanged as they both laid under the pile of blankets in each other’s arms, their faces centimetres away from one another’s. Magnus watched Alec carefully, his eyes outlining the purpling bruise under Alec’s right eye and the deep, but not too deep, cut on his forehead that had stopped bleeding hours ago. Alec’s eyes were closed but tears still dripped from them. Anybody else might have assumed Alec had fallen asleep but Magnus knew he hadn’t.  
  
“I love you, Alexander,” Magnus whispered. Alec’s eyes squeezed tight and one of his hands blindly searched for Magnus’. Magnus lifted a hand and let Alec bring it up to their chests. He could feel Alec’s heart beating fast.  
  
“I love you, Magnus,” Alec’s voice was even quieter and it broke Magnus’ heart to hear the sadness in his voice. No other words were said that night as they held each other tightly, finding warmth and comfort in each other as they slept restlessly, Alec’s dreams filled with blood and screams, echoed by shouts that woke Magnus and then followed by sobs that filled the room. Each time he woke, Magnus would just pull him back into his arms and let him cry. They didn’t have forever to grieve and eventually the pain wouldn’t be so overwhelming, but Magnus knew how it felt to lose someone important to you and all he could do was be there for Alec.  
  
As promised to Jace, Magnus wasn’t going to leave Alec. He would lay by his side as he slept and he would be there to hold his hand as Alec made the funeral plans in the morning, and he would be Alec’s shoulder to cry on as they stood in a room full of whiteness and grief.  
  
It was at that moment, with Alec snoring softly in his arms and cheeks covered in dried tears, that Magnus decided he wouldn’t let this war come in between them. He loved Alec more than anything and he wasn’t going to let that go. After all, as he’d said to Alec, if you fail to grant time for the things you care about, you’ll forget why you’re even fighting at all.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!!! i started writing this after 2x19 but have been caught up with mock exams all week and haven't had time to post it. 
> 
> ALSO!!! the season finale????? the parabatai bond breaking killed me, but malec getting back together and drunk!luke was probably the best thing ever.


End file.
